We know it’s important to love ourselves. But what does it really mean to love and care for yourself? Self-love is typically the result of introspection, self-compassion, and self-awareness, all of which require time, effort, energy, and attention to cultivate. Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means finding peace within ourselves resting comfortably within the depths of our being. We might find temporary respite by doing something to nurture ourselves. But a deeper inner peace requires cultivating a certain way of being with ourselves a warm and nurturing attitude toward what we experience inside.
What is Self Love.
Self-love is the practice of treating yourself with kindness, compassion, and love. Just as you’d give a loved one your time, understanding, and respect, truly engaging in self-love usually requires the same. Loving oneself is a powerful thing to do, but it can often prove difficult. Many people are their own worst critic. Because you’re privy to your deepest thoughts and feelings, it can be easy to judge yourself more harshly than you would another person whose inner life you can’t see.
Part of self-love is recognizing this that you see aspects of yourself that no one else ever can, and also that others likely have similar thoughts, feelings, and challenges going on inside, too. You’re not the only one who sometimes thinks judgmental thoughts about others, or who feels annoyed by that one coworker’s behavior. While we can always work on self-improvement, self-love entails accepting the parts of yourself you think need to be changed right alongside the things you like about yourself. It’s about acknowledging your faults with an that’s okay! Instead of looking at yourself with judgment and condemnation. It boils down to loving yourself mind, body, and soul the way you would want others to love you.
What does self-love mean to you? For starters it can mean:
- Talking to and about yourself with love.
- Prioritizing yourself.
- Giving yourself a break from self-judgment.
- Trusting yourself.
- Being true to yourself.
- Being nice to yourself.
- Setting healthy boundaries.
- Forgiving yourself when you aren’t being true or nice to yourself.
Being Gentle with Ourselves.
Being gentle with ourselves means being kind and friendly toward the feelings that arise within us. It is very human to feel sad, hurt, and afraid sometimes. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to become mindful of these feelings and allow a friendly space for them. It’s often easier to be kind and gentle toward others than toward ourselves. Judgmental voices from the past may have left a hidden residue of toxic shame, which blocks us from honoring or even noticing what we’re really feeling.
An attitude of gentleness toward our feelings is one way to have more spaciousness around them. We can “be with” our emotions rather than be overwhelmed by them. When you reach true self-love it is the state of calm you feel within yourself. The world around you could be stress-inducing and chaotic, but if you feel calm, you might be experiencing inner peace. It’s an achievable state of mind that has more to do with your mind than what’s happening in your daily life.
Visualize your happy place.
This is another micro-practice that becomes easier the more you do it, and the stronger your visualization, the more effective it is. It's okay if it takes you a while to conjure up what that go-to happy place is. You might want to picture the ocean, or your bedroom under your covers, a lake view, playing with your pet, being with someone you love, or maybe a favorite vacation. Then, try to get all the details in your mind’s eye the smells, the sounds, the textures, the touch.” Accessing these vivid memories will cue your body to start feeling like you’re actually there, which will relax you, she says.
Don't compare your self to other.
We want you to take a minute to look in the mirror. Just take yourself in! We mean every single curl, wrinkle, and freckle. You are truly unique and beautiful! So why would you compare yourself to anyone else? While we love social media just as much as any other curly girl out there, it’s important to not get so caught up in what your friends, celebrities, or favorite influencers are doing that you start to devalue what you’ve got going on! The pressure to keep up with what we see online can really have you down in the dumps if you feel like you aren’t measuring up.
Sometimes it’s best to log off and focus on finding your own source of fulfillment. Having a hard time figuring out where to start? Try starting your day by writing in a gratitude journal rather than reaching for your phone. All you have to do is think of five things every day that you are grateful for in your life, write them down, and keep track. This may sound like pure cheese, but trust us, it works!
It may be a little difficult at first, but if you keep at it, you’ll get the hang of it, and you’ll even start looking forward to the moments in the day where you get to celebrate all of the things you have.
How To Increase Self-Love.
Gratitude can help us feel better about ourselves in the moment, and help us shift to a more positive outlook. Remember, in order to love others and be loved, you need to first love yourself. Look in the mirror every morning and list out loud five things you love about yourself. Treat yourself like someone you love. There’s no shame in making mistakes, so learn your lesson and get over it. You’re more likely to succeed and reach your potential doing something you’re passionate about than doing something you’re merely interested in.
Discover Self-Care That Works For You.
This can look like taking bubble baths if that’s what works best for you, but in general, true self-care often goes deeper than that. It’s about advocating for yourself and giving yourself what you need. This could look like:
- Turning down a social invitation to spend some time alone when you need to rest and recharge
- Making plans with a friend when you feel you need support or to have a little fun
- Saying “no” to a work project that would put you at risk for burnout
- Setting a boundary with a friend, family member, or partner, even if it upsets them
- Prioritizing sleep over chores when you’re exhausted
- Speaking up to ask for what you need from others to feel more comfortable, safe, or secure
Cultivate Mindfulness.
Research has found links between mindfulness and a range of positive outcomes including healthy self-esteem, which is linked to overall life satisfaction. Cultivating mindfulness is most often pursued through a regular meditation practice. Even ten or fifteen minutes per day of focusing on your breath in a quiet space and developing an awareness of your thoughts can put you on the right track. After some practice, you may find that you’re able to keep a more balanced perspective on things, including your view of yourself.
Speak Positively To Yourself.
Self-talk, or the way you speak to yourself privately and internally, can be powerful. Studies have found that negative self-talk can be linked to depression and anxiety. Most people wouldn’t criticize and tear down someone they love so harshly so why do we sometimes do it to ourselves? It’s easy to slip into these negative thought patterns, but with practice, it is possible to alter them. It’s likely worth the effort, too, since positive self-talk is linked to higher self-esteem, calm, and motivation.
Finally to practice self-love start by being kind, patient, gentle and compassionate to yourself, the way you would with someone else that you care about. To get started, I suggest that you identify one loving thing you can do for yourself today. It could be a supportive thought or action. Next, write down what youre going to do and when youll do it. Writing it down increases accountability and makes it more likely that youll follow through. As you add more and more loving thoughts and actions to your daily life, theyll begin to crowd out some of your self-defeating thoughts and behaviors. With practice, self-love will become second nature.