Toxic people may treat you cruelly, manipulate you, or criticize you constantly. Toxic people may cause you to feel bad about yourself to the point that the shame drives you to engage in destructive behaviors. Interacting with someone like this can constitute emotional abuse. Throughout life, you will encounter toxic people. Whether it's a pessimistic family member, a friend who doesn’t respect your time, or a manipulative boss, it’s just unavoidable. Although removing toxic people from your life won’t easy task, but it’s the best thing you can do for your mental and physical well-being. You must remove toxic people from your life before they steal your happiness.
Types of Toxic Relationships
How do you feel when the phone rings and they are on the other end? If they belittle you, control you or constantly bring you down, it’s time to surround yourself with other people who lift you up.
The Sarcastic Belittler
This type of person will constantly belittle you, especially after you express any idea, belief or thought you feel strongly. They will try to make you feel small, often making sarcastic remarks in order to disguise their behavior.
Why it’s damaging: After a while, you may start to believe them and stop believing in yourself.
The Controller
This person tries to control your every move. They have something to say about everything you do, from what you wear to where you live and how you handle day-to-day challenges. They will do everything they can to curtail good things that are happening in your life.
Why it’s damaging: These people can be very manipulative. They can hinder your growth and negatively influence your decisions.
The Insecure Guilt-Inducer
These people may be jealous, intimidated or just unhappy in their own lives and relationships. They may give a lot, but also expect a lot in return. If you make a decision that they don’t like, they will let you know by trying to prompt guilt. You often never feel good enough, because no matter what you do, they aren’t happy.
Why it’s damaging: These relationships can be extremely high maintenance. It can be hard to remember that you are not responsible for their happiness, and they can become over dependant.
The Downer
People in your life should lift you up, not down. If you know someone who constantly looks at the negative side of things and makes you find sadness even in the happiest moments, it may be time to reconsider your relationship with them.
Why it’s damaging: Always being around someone who is negative is draining and harmful to your own happiness and self-esteem.
Signs you're in a toxic situation with someone
Most people encounter someone with toxic traits at some point. Here are five red flags you're in a toxic situation you may need to address.
They don't apologize properly
Someone with toxic traits may avoid responsibility for their behavior with an apology that minimizes their actions. For example, they may say, "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "I'm sorry, but..." If someone uses one of these apologies on you, you can call it out. People aren't always aware they aren't practicing empathy or compassion.
They gaslight or lie to you
Someone with toxic traits may cover up their behavior by lying to you or gaslighting you. Gaslighting is a type of manipulation where the gaslighter tries to make you question your version of events.
You'll know someone is trying to gaslight you if they make you feel unsure of your feelings or insecure in your knowledge. However, there is a difference between someone disagreeing with you and gaslighting you.
They think they are superior to others
Someone with toxic traits may perceive themselves as more important than others. They may place their desires over other people's need for safety and well-being.
This attitude manifests itself in many ways, such as through:
- Two-faced behavior (treating people differently behind their backs than to their faces)
- Prioritizing their wants over other people's needs
- Abusing their power
- Speaking badly about those who disagree with them or call them out
Playing the Victim
Victim card is the fabrication or exaggeration of victimhood for a variety of reasons such as to justify abuse to others, to manipulate others or attention seeking. A person who repeatedly does this is known as a "professional victim". Some people who take on the role of victim might seem to enjoy blaming others for problems they cause, lashing out and making others feel guilty, or manipulating others for sympathy and attention.
Find your Support System
Once you understand what toxic traits look like, it will be easier to spot them in your professional and personal relationships. Removing a toxic person from your life is a difficult process that can make you feel numerous negative emotions. It is important to find a healthy support network that you can depend on to help you maneuver through this painful time. Surround yourself with people who bring you joy and lift you up. Reach out to friends and family who will be there to listen, validate, and help you move forward. Reaching out to a mental health professional who can help you through this new chapter is the healthiest decision you can make.